Posts Categorized: Planning Advice

What’s In A Name – Changing Your Name After Marriage

Posted by & filed under Planning Advice.

Image / CreativeButterflyxox on Etsy

I had an innocent question that I took to twitter the other day “can you still be a ‘Miss’ after you are married” which sparked some fascinating opinions and interesting responses! So I thought I’d continue it on here and also provide a bit of help to those thinking about their new name and title once they are married after their wedding, how to go about changing it and what options you have.

Times have changed and there are a number of options available to women [and their husbands!] now and the best thing is, it’s entirely up to you! Now I may be a wedding planner but I’m certainly no expert in the name changing field so the UK Deed Poll have kindly provided some very helpful answers to some questions that you [and I!] had…

Q – What do you need to do if you decide to take your husbands name?
This is the most popular scenario and you can use your marriage certificate as proof of a name change to get all your records updated.

Q – Once married do you have to change your title to ‘Mrs’ when taking your husbands name?
No, whilst it is standard practice to change your title to ‘Mrs’ when taking your husbands surname you are under no obligation to do so. If you wish to keep your current title it is a good idea to make a mention of this when getting your records updated, as it will often be assumed that you now wish to be addressed as ‘Mrs’. [Editors Note: It seems a popular choice is to take the title 'Ms' which doesn't dictate your marital status.]

Q – Can you keep your maiden name for work purposes but use your married name for more official documentation such as banking, passport etc?
This is possible and is a popular choice for women who have built up a good professional reputation under their maiden name.

Q – If you keep your maiden name do you have to notify anyone?
If you keep your maiden name you will not need to update your records unless you wish to change your title in which case you can notify the relevant bodies of this.

Q – If you choose to keep your maiden name entirely, what title should you take and do you have to change it legally?
If you wish to keep your maiden name entirely you are free to either keep your existing title or to change it. If you wish to change it there is no formal process required and you can simply write a letter to record keepers asking them to modify your title.

Q – What happens if you and your husband both want to take the same surname?
If you and your husband both wish to take the same new surname the easiest option is to use a deed poll.  A deed poll is a legal document that acts as proof of name change. The process is straightforward and a deed poll application can be made online.

Q – What title can you have if you are married but use your name?
You can have whichever title you prefer. It is entirely your choice as to whether you choose to use Mrs., Miss, or Ms.

 Q – Can you use your maiden name as your middle name and take your husbands surname? How do you change this?
This has become an increasingly popular option as women choose to keep up the tradition of taking their husbands surname but also maintain a link to their family name. In order to do this a deed poll is required which can be applied for online.

Q – Does your title and name have to be the same in all your documentation, such as passports, driving license, bank statements?
Your name should be the same on all of your documentation. Practically this isn’t possible as you will have to get your records updated one by one but you should aim to do this as quickly as possible so there are no lasting discrepancies between documents.

Image / TrueConnection via Etsy

I also thought I’d provide a few different experiences from recently married women and which titles and names they decided to take. I’ve obviously briefly thought about my own name after I’ll be married and for me personally I’ve always enjoyed being a ‘Miss’. I’m not sure why, I think for me it represents being young and with a masculine sounding name, I think I’ve always like the femininity it gives me! So I’ll be sad to see it go!

Emma Gibbs / Author of The Honeymoon Project Blog

“I had been using Ms as my title for quite a few years by the time we got married – mainly because I felt frustrated by the fact the women’s titles traditionally give away their marital status. When we got married and I decided to keep my surname, it was the logical thing to keep using Ms. This was largely for the same reason; in addition, Miss definitely came with unmarried connotations and so was obviously not “right”, but being Mrs Gibbs when my husband was Mr Woodcock also seemed wrong – almost like we were married to different people and having an illicit affair…”

Caroline /Author of Patchwork Harmony

“We are not particularly traditional generally and our wedding will not follow a traditional formula. But there are certain little things that I guess we feel are nice to do, and changing my name is one of them.  Marriage is about commitment and sharing, and I see sharing our name as one way to show our commitment to one another.  I don’t see it as something that will change me, certainly not in a bad way anyway, and it is also about carrying on the name and becoming a family.”

Emily Quinton / Photographer and Author of The Startup Wife

“I have been using Ms rather than Miss ever since I left university about 14 years ago. This decision was definitely influenced by both my parents [a strong feminist mother and a father very keen to make sure his two daughters felt empowered as women]. Men are a Mr whether they are married or not but women are defined by their marital status. In asking is it Miss or Mrs, you are basically asking, so are you married or not?

When I got married last year I kept my name and I swing between still using Ms Quinton and using Mrs Quinton. Mrs Quinton gives me a feeling of being grown-up! And it sometimes stops people patronising me. I look younger than I am, which can sometimes be frustrating, so throwing a Mrs Quinton into the mix makes me feel a bit better. Really silly I know and not very true to my feminist roots but I have at least kept my name!”

Caro Hutchings / Photographer

”I like the idea of being a Miss partly because I just don’t want to admit that I am getting old but I do think that if I am using my maiden name then it should be with miss and my married name should be with Mrs… I like being married but don’t feel I need to announce it to the world sometimes. Professionally I am still a Miss and personally I am most definitely a Mrs – it feels nice to keep a bit of the old me somewhere.”

I’d love to know your thoughts, and what you might do or have done. It’s a really interesting topic and with so many options it’s great to hear from others about why and how they changed their names.

Emma / Bride to be

“My name is Emma Goddard and when I get married in August, I will be taking my husbands full surname to become Emma Cardinal-Richards. I know some women might have the feeling of losing their identity but I’ve always had a romantic notion of taking my husband’s name as a ‘belonging with’, not ‘owned by’ him. To me it’s the start of a new family, a new stage of life and it’s exciting to mark that with a change of name….. Plus he’s got a great name!”

So – as you can see there are many different options available and there is no ‘right’ way – each to their own. I’d love to hear what you did or will be doing with your name…!

A Very Long Engagement

Posted by & filed under Planning Advice.

My thoughts began wondering as I saw on twitter that a few talented photographers had received enquiries for not just 2014, but also for 2015. That’s three whole years away people.

Now firstly, I would like to say that I think it’s fantastic that the wedding industry is so booming and that there’s lots of lovely couples tying the knot – that makes me so so happy.

However, I just thought I’d ask….what happened to the year long engagement?

Image / Marta Locklear via Style Me Pretty

Typically as the story goes, couples would be engaged for a year which would be more than enough time to plan their wedding – I’m fairly certain that this was the whole reasoning behind an engagement – but now it’s quite the norm to have an 18 month or even a two-year long engagement.

Whilst I don’t think there’s any reason to hurry yourself down the aisle – I can’t help but think there is unnecessary panic around planning a wedding and wonder if this is from the wedding industry? Dressmakers panic you into making you think you need at least 6 months for your dress to be made. Of course, wouldn’t everyone like a confirmed amount of money in advance with lots of time to do your job? Yes that’s the ideal, but realistically 3 months should be more than enough time – so why panic you? Venues usher you into putting a deposit down years in advance to secure your ‘so-called’ popular September date.

And lately I’m hearing more and more about couples moving their actual wedding dates to secure the photographer of their dreams – which whilst very flattering for the photographer, it does seem somewhat crazy? There are so many amazing talented photographers out there, I’m surprised that there is need for this to happen. Perhaps everyone is going for the same popular dates/months?

Image / Sweet Wedding Details on Etsy

Part of me can’t help but wonder what happened to the boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get engaged and then a year later boy and girl get married? The problem now is that a year although should be enough, it isn’t.  Top venues are booked on all the popular dates (January wedding anyone?) and of course there is also the small issue of your guests. As a girl who has to book a night out with her friends three months in advance I can only imagine how much time I will need to give them to save the date for my own wedding [oh and if you are reading this, you know who you are!].

There’s also the momentum. A year’s engagement will fly by, you’ll have a few months of being in that amazing loved up, special bubble where friends congratulate you, send you cards and you enjoy more than a few glasses of bubbles. You are then in a whirl of wedding planning, decisions, weekends of venue visits, coffee with the in-laws and city trips with your girls to find them dresses. Then there’s the party weekend of the stag and hen, and before you know it – you are walking down the aisle.

What a buzz of a year, but stretching that over two years? Well, already I’ve been engaged 8 months and have done no planning and let me tell you it’s slightly less exciting now. The novelty soon wears off, with every purchase treat or splurge on a night out, or a pair of shoes you find yourself punishing yourself as you should be saving for the ‘wedding fund’ and it really is quite tiring to have to constantly think about IT. With time you also start to question the decisions you’ve made – you quickly learn to step away from the bridal magazines in case you spot the dress of your dreams when you’ve already put down the deposit on what you thought was it 8 months ago.

Let’s also not forget the boys here. Boys though they will nod, agree to go with the lamb and might if you’re lucky find the wedding DJ, let’s be honest, are NOT that into weddings. Boys  [correct me if I'm wrong] but having your fiancé obsess about whether to choose white or black envelopes for the invitations for 6 months doesn’t exactly make for fun pillow talk. All the quality time you spend together there will always be wedding chat, and discussions and… guaranteed disagreements.

Image / Marta Locklear via Style Me Pretty

I actually attempted to plan my own wedding in 4 months for fear of falling into all the above, but it wasn’t possible.  Well not possible if you want something half decent, and your guests to show up that is.

I don’t think you should have to wait two years to have the wedding of your dreams, but perhaps this is what it has come to? Weddings also cost money, quite a bit of it and if you aren’t lucky enough to have savings or a generous family then affording a wedding in 4 months is again, highly unlikely.

I’m sad that I’ve missed the spontaneity, I’m sad that I didn’t get the date I wanted [stamps feet] and believe you me, my other half is sad that he has to listen to wedding chat for a whole lot longer…

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Did you have a long engagement? Have you struggled securing the suppliers you wanted? Answers on a postcard…

Mr & Mrs [Beccy & Michael] – A London Bride Wedding

Posted by & filed under London Bride, My Work, Planning Advice.

Back in February, I had the pleasure of being the wedding planner and stylist for Beccy and Michael’s gorgeous British vintage-style London wedding at the unique venue 20th Century Theatre in the heart of Notting Hill.  I had been working with the couple for about six months to help in their planning of their day and was also there to provide styling and on the day co-ordination.  I’m so happy to share the wonderful photographs by the amazing and quite frankly smashing Emma Case Photography [also I just want to wish Emma and Pete HUGE congratulations on their surprise wedding a few weeks ago. Mega excited for you guys and I hope you live happily ever after x

The venue 20th Century Theatre was a dry hire - as with a lot of theatres, town halls, or music halls you really only get the building - not the caterers, tables, sound system, bar, staff etc. So there was a lot to do on the day with the decoration, liaising with all the independent suppliers and of course the turnaround of the main hall for three set ups during the day.  A wedding such as this really does benefit from having an on the day co-ordinator as we can take care of all of this and your DIY details which not only means that the couple don't have to worry about it but it's also a great support for the suppliers involved and lets all the guests and bridal party enjoy themselves too!

I had been really looking forward to this wedding - such a fun couple and Beccy the bride had great ideas and inspiration as well as some lovely DIY touches that I couldn't wait to style on the day. As the venue doesn't hold a marriage license they had a small registry office ceremony the day before and on the day the bride's brother and groom's cousin conducted a humanist ceremony. A heartfelt, personal and emotional service that touched all their family and friends and even Emma Case the photographer! A lovely part of the service also included Beccy's close friends playing the piano and recorder and everyone singing One More Step Along The World I Go which was one of Beccy's favourite songs from childhood and also very relevant for their journey ahead.

Bunting was hung, buds were in vases and vintage postcards were laid out for guests to write their travel tips on. There were also a number of Paddington Bear details dotted around. Beccy was rather fond of Paddington and it tied very nicely into the London theme and the fact that they were off [and are now!] on their 10 month long honeymoon travelling the world. An incredible start to married life! We also put a vintage map up, with a trail of their travels so friends and family could see where they were off to!

Beccy wore a beautiful 50′s dress with huge red bow and net under skirt made by Dana Bolton of Once Upon A Time and of course sported a lovely pair  of Vivienne’s. You also couldn’t fail to spot [pardon the pun] her two rather glam bridesmaids, as they strutted about in seriously sexy polka dot wiggle dresses designed by Alexandra King from Make Me A Dress.
Whilst I was setting up the hall for dinner and the guests were sipping drinks in the bar, Emma took the couple out to the hustle and bustle of Notting Hill. As well as having some shots in and around the famous Portobello Road market, they had some lovely portrait shots of them in the back streets with these wonderful townhouses.

The tables were set for the meal with bright picnic style gingham fabrics and vintage jugs with DIY flowers as the centrepieces and of course many a tealight to create an informal and cosy February atmosphere. Each chair was strung with a felt heart to add a touch of colour to the room.

 
 
After the meal, an incredible 17 piece swing band King Groovy and The Horn Stars kicked the night off and got all the guests on their feet and dancing the night away. I wish I had sound-o-vision as the band were utterly brilliant, and where better to perform than in an old theatre?  Emma set up the infamous photobooth with props galore for guests to mess about in  and steak sandwiches were then laid on for all those guests who were a bit peckish having danced the night away.
A wonderful day, a gorgeous and very happy bride and groom and guests that didn’t want to leave.  I’d say that was a success! Beccy and Michael thank you for having me on your day and for letting me feature your beautiful wedding.
 [me + photobooth - I did do some work I promise, that is a real clipboard but the glasses are not!]

If you’d like to know more about London Bride’s planning and styling services then please contact me by email or see here for more information.

Finally a massive thank you to Emma Case for documenting the day so wonderfully [see the wedding over on her blog too] and for letting me share the images on London Bride.